If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it: that’s clearly the mantra Kate Moss had in mind while designing her new Topshop collection.
Leather, fringing and a dash of sparkle are all trademark Mossy and all feature heavily. Too heavily.
Yup, despite it being a full four years since her last collection, this is nothing we haven’t seen before.
Oh, there’s rock chick Kate.
There’s festival Kate.
That’s Ibiza Kate, innit.
In fact, the only thing that has changed is the price. Deep breath, folks, here we go. . .
The most expensive item in the 40-piece edit is a £600 hand-beaded dress.
It’s only available at Topshop’s flagship London Oxford Street store and posh designer website Net-a-Porter. Way to keep it real, Kate.
But if only that was the worst of it. We can cope with the odd one-off pricey piece but the rest of the everyday high street collection doesn’t fare much better.
There’s a silver lamé maxi dress for £295, a suede jacket for £225 and a mesh vest, that’s right, A MESH VEST, for £150.
Even the more wearable basics, such as the cotton sundresses or playsuits, come in at £75 or above.
The cheapest item – a scallop-trim cami – is £38 but most things hover between £70 and £90.
Jeez, doesn’t she know there’s a Primark round the corner?
But Kate doesn’t seem too worried about the price tags, describing this as a collection of her greatest hits both in terms of style and quality.
“This collection is based on my wardrobe,” she says.
“This time I really wanted to include vintage pieces which are hard to find, for example lace pieces that if you do find they’re second hand and might be falling apart.
“My collections are always music focused and this one’s no different. As this collection is for summer, there are lots of pieces for festivals, as well as lounging around the pool/holiday-inspired pieces.
“There are so many key pieces but I like the gold and black suit; the embroidered kaftan because it’s a copy of a vintage find that I wear every summer; and the white lace maxi dress because the detail on it is beautiful.” There’s no denying that said dress is gorgeous (on Kate) but who in the real world is going to spend £180 on an incredibly-difficult-to-wear-in-real-life item?
And herein lies the problem.
The people who A) Actually care about Kate Moss and B) Can afford these pieces are 30 or 40-something women.
But quite where a 30 or 40-something woman is going to wear a pair of suede hotpants or a head-to-toe silver silky slip of a gown is anyone’s guess.
Down the local? At the shops? On the school run?
Ms Moss says the off-the-shoulder feathered cocktail dress is “perfect for drinks in Le Fumoir bar at Claridge’s.”
Oh right, that’s settled that then.
The sad fact of the matter is, you have to have a body like Kate Moss to look good in this stuff. And who has a body like Kate Moss? Nineteen-year-old girls, that’s who. And do they care about looking like her? Nope. Not one jot.
They want to follow in the footsteps of Rihanna, Selena Gomez and Michelle Keegan.
They also couldn’t afford to buy a £225 jacket in a million years.
Not if their student loan depended on it. After all, you could buy all of New Look’s spring/summer collection for that and still have change for a Starbucks.
Mossy is 40 now. She’s a mother. She’s a wife.
She’s established in her career.
As a result, you’d think her clothes would be more accessible and relatable to the women who’ve grown up with her.
If she’s going to create an expensive collection like this, she at least needs wearable pieces that women can get their money’s worth out of.
A paisley print silk overcoat? A crochet lace midi dress? A see-though vest? These have no place in 99.9 per cent of women’s wardrobes.
Unfortunately, Kate’s designed this collection with herself in mind, rather than the customer.
Bizarrely, perhaps the most super of supermodels should have taken the lead from a certain Spice Girl. Victoria Beckham – another wife/mother/40-year-old career woman – creates designs that are innately wearable, regardless of age, shape or size.
Just like Mossy’s new collection, you can pick up VB dresses for around £300 but these one’s will actually fit and flatter you instead of making you look like the oldest raver at Glasto.
And, trust us, that’s not a good look.
By Elizabeth Joyce